I'd like to thank you all...

There are certain things that you just don't say when you give a talk in church. Coincidentally, these are also the things that almost everybody says. It makes you look tacky. Here's a list that isn't all inclusive. But still.

"I'd like to thank the presidency for giving me the opportunity to speak."
"I've been asked to speak today on ____" (come on, we're going to find out in 30 seconds anyway)
"Wow, this ward looks a whole lot bigger on this side of the podium."
"When I saw Brother (insert second counselor's name here) on the caller ID I didn't even want to pick up the phone!" (followed by laughs every time)
"I'm a terrible public speaker, so please bear with me."

And then there's the things that RMs shouldn't say:
"Wow, it's amazing how two years can turn little girls into beautiful young women."
"I see a lot of familiar faces out here! Some not very familiar, but a lot of familiar faces!"
"So I just served a mission!"

And so it goes. I'm not saying that I'm expecting everyone to be refined public speakers when they give their talk. But there is a point.

This was going to be a whole lot more humorous. I guess that's what I get for waiting to write this until 7 AM. Oh well.