Everlong

I think I'm having some emotional or mental problems right around now. I'm lacking an outlet haha. I have the most amazing girlfriend in the world and nobody to brag to. Roommates? Don't care. You? Most fight back vomit when I rave haha. Don't lie or feel bad...it's a natural thing. No explanation needed. You'll just have to suck it up. If you're actually looking for what's going on in my life (and really, nobody who reads this is to be honest) then you'll have to suffer through my syrup. I'll have some nonromantic stuff on here every now and then. Sucks to be you.

So I'm growing attracted to my music again. Becky is going to be so miserable in the coming years haha but my music really is the greatest. We share some interests...but there are some things that she doesn't care for. We'll survive. I've been listening to a lot of my softer music lately though, such as Eisley and The Early November. Chandrew, I listened to The Path again. I haven't heard that CD in ages. It plays me like a friggin violin every time. Sigh. Anyway. Music you need to listen to? Something Corporate, Mae, Waking Ashland, The Rocket Summer.

What else is going on you ask? Midterms. Again. I have my new stats midterm Tuesday through Friday, but for some reason I like to take tests early (unlike assignments, which I put off as much as possible) so I'll get it done Tuesday or Wednesday. Projects. I have a research paper I'm working on for English which is getting a little irritating and a five hour assignment for my Business class that is just busywork because the professor wants some stuff for a database he's making. Sigh. Worth 10% of our final grade. Funny how the ones that benefit the teachers are the ones they put the most weight on. I wonder why.

This weekend is the first week in a couple that I will spend alone. And I'm not excited about that. I guess it's for the best...we both have work we need to get done. But I would rather sit on the floor and be a distraction from coloring a hoodie than research ANWR anyday. Cuddling is just about the greatest thing in the world and I'll be missing that crucial weekend ingredient. Sigh. I miss my baby.

In response to the law school. I don't know what kind of lawyer I would be...my dad is a patent attorney for Microsoft so I'll talk to him about pros and cons and advice and all. We'll see how it goes. And dentistry? Ew.

Well, what's on the agenda for the weekend then? Nothing. I'm headed out with the guys to hang out and play some video games tonight. I'll probably watch Office Space or V For Vendetta or Juno again or something. And I'll study and do my homework. Sigh. Did I mention I miss Becky?

My hair has doubled in length in the week or so that it's been since the razor ate it. It looks almost exactly the same, just a lot thicker. I'm waiting for it to grow out a little haha. I still miss the curtain that fell in my eyes but I'm surviving. Just a while longer.

Nothing else is happening. My life consists of school, music, and missing the girl I love. It's a good thing we spin fantasies because it's good to have an outlet to get away from all the work I'm doing haha. I love talking about sparkling objects and warm months, as she so greatly put it. I'm trying to find a balance between saying what I want to and censoring the content going into your brain. Rough road. So I'll just close with this. I thank God every day for the blessing of her that He's given me. She helps me see and become who I need to be, not who I'm content being. I've never felt so special in my life. She is the one who brings out the real me and looks through the bad that shows and augments the good. Sorry to rave, and Chandrew will disagree, but I love the most amazing girl in the world. Just thought you should all know.

You and me, love and pain

I wonder what happened to my writing. Before my mission I think I had a lot better writing. Chandrew might disagree. I admit I was pretty emo sometimes haha. But I would be able to just write about anything and I liked it. Now I seem to have fallen into a rut. Sure I may have some one liners or whatever that I'm pleased with but I seem to have an overall lack of emotion in most of my spiels. And it's bled into my other writing. My poetry and songs are lackluster most of the time when compared to earlier. Sure my actual writing has gotten better, every now and then I'll even have great imagery or something, the mechanics are cleaner. I have expanded my mind a bit and experiment with more styles including messing with punctuation. In that way I like my current poems more. But before it seems I was able to put so much more of me into it. Not saying that my work now is very distant. It's hard to explain. I'm not certain why either. Maybe it's because of my shift of external stimuli. I've gone from listening to Brand New and Dashboard to Coheed and Cambria and Billy Talent. Instead of reading The Perks Of Being A Wallflower I'm reading The Picture Of Dorian Grey and The Great Gatsby. I'm living with jocks and preps and average kids instead of people I used to spend time with. Maybe all of these combine to make me not as introspective. But really, most of my writing was pretty depsressing. Maybe that's the difference. I was pretty depressed freshman year. And now I have someone who won't take that from me. She is supportive of anything I do or believe in and legitimately makes me want to be a better person. It's because of her I'm beginning to believe in myself and am feeling the best that I have in a while. It's because of her that I smile and love and hurt. And I'll always be grateful for her. Thanks for being my best friend.

I have a very conflicted when writing about her in my blog. I talk to Carly enough about her already...it's our main topic of conversation and she says she loves it but I feel bad anyway. Chandrew isn't interested. Aleece is kind of quiet anyway. I know I'm not writing this for you but still I don't want to drive people away. Sigh. Maybe I should be more quiet about it and just listen to my mixes and miss her in silence. I don't know. My life is pretty boring otherwise. She's my excitement haha.

She came down again this weekend. Thursday night. And it was amazing. We didn't do too much except for one thing which I'll get to in a second. But just being with her is when I can be myself. And she'll love me for it. It's just the most amazing feeling to be able to be completely comfortable and content just laying on the floor with her. We watched six movies this weekend. No. Seven. And I loved it. Saturday we spent doing our project! We are in the process of coloring my sweatshirt. It's white with designs and stuff on it so we got some fabric markers and all and we are having an awesome time. It's not done yet though...we've spent a long time doing it too. And that evening we spent with Becky's cousin and husband and had dinner, watched movies, and played games. It was such a nice feeling. An incredible evening and amazing weekend. And now I'm back to that all-too familiar pit in me that says I miss her. Sigh.

Every time I see you I still hear trumpets.

Well. I'm sitting on my couch and wishing a whole lot of things but very content with how my life is. My new trial? Other than making it through each day I'm trying to figure out my life. I never prayed about my major and instead just went with my interest (which really is a pretty good idea) and am majoring in psychology. But looking at the input and output I'm not sure if it's worth it. I have a very conflicted relationship about how it's going right now anyway and I'm wondering if maybe I'm just enamored with the conceptual version of psych instead of it's dirty mechanics and intricacies. It's also a lot of school for a lackluster salary. And now I'm wondering if I'm going to go to law school after I get my psych BA. I'm not sure if I would be interested in that though. So I'm searching, a little confused, and trying to pray my way through it. Life is getting more and more stressful haha but I'm alive. And working it out. And what more could I ask for?

I could not ask for more.

Point of Order

So...I'm going to update this soon with all of the details you want of this weekend. Or the details you don't want, depending on whether you're male or female. I just had to say something.

You can feel free to blogstalk me all you want haha. I don't bite.

...you...

Lucky

Just a warning: this will get sappy.

So! I am pretty much the happiest guy in the world. I had the best valentines I've ever had. Ever. Becky is pretty much the best thing that's happened to me. She is everything that I could ask for in a girl and then throws on extra awesome qualities on top haha. Like texting me and telling me that Ninja Turtles is on and I should watch it. Or being able to absolutely rape me in Mario Kart and tie me in Super Smash Bros. Or laughing at my dumb jokes and all. Or saying "let's do it!" to a ludicrous idea (but is secretly the american dream). She makes me want to be so much of a better person and supports me in doing so. She can see past my failures to what my intentions or whatever are. And she loves me. And I love her. And I'm not ashamed of that. So I'm pretty much, as previously stated, the happiest guy. Ever. And will continue to be so. Just really wanted to rave right now because my outlets are few. So I hope you're having a great week. Because your happiness can't top ours.

Lucky we're in love in every way.

It really is the best

Happiness

You know what's awesome? I have a girlfriend I can brag about.

Matoor

I have discovered one of my biggest pet peeves. When people pronounce mature as matoor. Or however you would write it phonetically. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah. That way. Before I just thought it was funny. But no. It's not. I was in my LDS marriage and family class and my teacher apparently pronounces it that way. And we were talking about, well, marriage (wow the first time we actually get to the subject. what an anticlimactic sentence) and emotional maturity. Oh man I was practically grinding my teeth. It was almost painful to hear. It still hurts my ears right now just thinking about it. Ew. Anyway. Just...don't. Say it that way. Ever. Please. For the sake of my sanity. Gall.

I've gotta go eat something.

Honestly, why?

So I walk about 20 minutes to get to campus every day. And the other day as I was passing Wendy's I smelled the strangest scent. It was so familiar but so not at the same time. I was pondering this turn of events and trying to identify the smell in question when suddenly it hit me. A blow from my distant past when I was young enough to have still lived in Utah. And I realized exactly what it was. Remember those boxes of 64 crayons that everyone loved so very very much? How for a while it came with two crayons that were scented and at the time I thought they were so good?

Mission accomplished. Now I just need to know why Wendy's smelled exactly like my crayon did more than 12 years ago.